Soter, Oh So Not For Me.

It has not worked. It is not working. It will not work.

I guess I know myself better than anybody else after all.

Ciao!

The Brave One

A movie starred by Jodie Foster. It's about a woman who struggles to gain recovery from a brutal attack that killed his fiance and also almost took her life. You really gotta have a brave heart to stand this flick.

What a great way to heal a broken heart. :| Time to dance, Jam.

Vacacion Verano Parte Dos: Puerto Galera 2008

And so I guess the stress was all worth it.

It was our first time to go out of town. We just usually hang out, grab some drinks and we're good. Our summers naman were usually spent with our families. That's why I really wanted it to happen, with all of us present. But due to fortuitous events, only four of us made it this year.

This is the start of our yearly outings, my beloved friends. But I am not planning next year's. Haha! Cheers to more salty waters and mighty waves! Or cheers to more travels, anywhere!

Savoring Oreo and the moment with my Mader Mitch. Yes, this is how we call each other ever since high school. :)


Keno, Me and Jojo at Batangas Port


Us four, "The Founders", while waiting for the boaaat! 9:45 huh, it's 12 already! Whaatta liar barker, and oh! Paper sched!


Finally.



Enjoying the splash!


This is my favorite. After x number of tries. Nagawa rin. Haha!


And dahil napagtripan ako ng mga mahal kong kaibigan pati na rin ng mabuting alon... Captured! Spell poise, Jam. Spell poise.


Heart Attack! Funny and heart-grabbing game! I lost myself for 10 minutes!




Taken by Hazel, the friendly server. :)


Meet Hazel...


The cliff Keno and I love! Jojo's sleeping. Tinatamad pa si Mitch bumaba. Sayang ang view!



Sun sun sun 'til my skin's burnt...


Till we see again, White Beach!



I am lucky to have these people in my life. This may sound really cheesy but my barkada really is a priceless gift from heaven. :) I know that they are the people who won't ever turn their backs on me, (aside from my family). No matter how harsh I become. How harsh we become. Basta we know naman kasi na we just want the best for each other, always.

Funny but sometimes, it feels as if we are the stars of One Tree Hill or Friends. Next time, I'll write about who's who and why. Haha. Mukhang fun eh.

Joey, Jayvie, Mader Ruth, Loyce, you're missed! :(

More pictures on my multiply site www.starburssst.multiply.com
*Some of the pictures are grabbed from Jojo's cam.

Boiling Point Reached 2

Yes, I reached my boiling point. It was very traumatic for me to plan that Galera outing. It was hard for me to believe the struggles, really. At one point, I wanted to make myself believe na "No Jam, these are all lies. Pinapakaba ka lang ng mga yan. Helllooo? Imposible naman na halos lahat magkaron ng excuse!" It was hard for me to believe the problems kasi our barkada really is solid. As in, we all don't think that there's one person who'll ever feel that he or she'll be left out. Basta, ganun. Maybe because we're friends not just in words but in hearts talaga. Haha. We're family! And that is what I like most in us. Okay, I promised myself na after the weekend, whatever happens, I'll write about the thing that made me reach my boiling point sooo, let me share the reasons behind all the stress I encountered last week. (Now that I'm in my most normal and hippy happy self.)

Monday. Nagkasakit si Mitch ng weekend, thus hindi pa siya nakakapagpaalam. At hindi siya madaling payagan. Ok, so the pessimistic me screams "Shit, I can foresee nega vibes!"

Tuesday. Me, texting people last minute reminders. Few replies because of busy scheds. OJT, Summer classes, Duties, Exams. Mitch finally gets the courage to ask permission from her parents. And Tito says, "Nakuuu, naririnig ko nanaman ang pangalan ni Jamie." Ok, good job. Me forcing Jayvie to go to Ruth's place to ask if she could come. Ok, walang issue to, si Jayvie lang ang pwede because Keno's out with his family to spend his bday. Joey, Mitch and Jo can't.

Wednesday. Joey texts "Jam, sorry baka hindi ako makasama on Sat. May exam ako. Gusto ko talaga sumama but epal class ko." So, additional nega vibes. Mitch still doesn't get the "Yes" we've been dying to hear. Keno and I meet with Ruth. Ruth confims that she really couldn't come because of a validity exam she'd have to take. SADNESS overflows.

Thursday. I decide to call Mitch's mom. Asks if Mitch could come. Desperateee! 10PM Convo with Mitch, tells me that she got the Yes from her mom already but not yet from her dad. But seems like it's sure na. Happy atleast. Hangs up the phone. Jayvie texts, "My problem ako, I think I would have an operation on Saturday." Okay, so back to sadness. Calls Jayvie. See that there really is a problem. Me, trying to get some sleep. Jojo texts, "Eto ang problemang hinahanap mo. Sinasama ako nila Mama sa Pangasinan." Ok, so heart attack!

Friday. Only sure ones. Me, Keno, Mitch. Jojo wakes up at 3PM. Convo at 3, he's coming.

So there's four of us. Friday. Still no sleep. Wary that a problem might still come before we head for Puerto. Seryoso, stress talaga mamennn! Ngayon nalang ulit ako nastress ng ganun. Hahaha! It was a morality check 'n test for me too! Kasi naman, I really really wanted us to be complete. I miss them terribly, ok? Parang a part of me tells them, "Sige na Joey, cut mo na yan, ngayon lang naman eh. Jayvie, tiisin mo nalang yung sakit ng ngipin mo, sa Monday ka na magpaopera. Ruth, wala bang re-test yan??" Diba, ang pangit pakinggan. But because I really wanted us to be complete in this outing, oo nasabi ko. Shit, sooo wrong.

Jojo, Mitch, Keno and I still pushed through with the plan. And, super saya. Super. Super. Super. I'll post an entry about it soon.

I'M BACK! ;)

Boiling Point Reached

I am so hurt, I don't even know how to express how I feel now.

Maybe not now.

I still hope and want to believe it'll happen.

The Bucket List

Before I headed for Cebu, I watched this tearjerker starred by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. I turned reeed. Really really red. Naging red-nosed reindeer nanaman ako. I love the script.

When he closed his eyes, his heart was opened.

You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you.

This movie recognizes life's true value by depicting the lives of two different people who unexpectedly met in a time of sickness and trial. They created a bucket list that they promised to accomplish before they die. In spite of their disparities, they allowed themselves to learn from each other. Real friendship brought these people to find their common humanity.

I really am a sucker for philosophical stuff.

The Cebu Stumble

My sibs and I, together with the love of their lives went to Cebu last Friday. It was my first time to step on its land and I was very impressed. It was like Manila to me minus the pollution.

I left my heart in Cebu!

On our first night, we went to the hotel to leave our belongings first and then went to eat dinner at Resto 27, Crossroads after. We learned that this place is Cebu's high street. In Manila, it's Serendra or Eastwood at the very least.

Poor kids living the good life...




We didn't want to sleep the night off and so we were thinking of something to do after we ate. We wanted to party and dance but we couldn't because we were with Jem. But it's okay. Jem's really a cool kid. We get along pretty well except when it comes to her hair. It seems as if she's not really fond of fixing herself yet. Haha! Anyway, it was very obvious that we were so tired already and so we just decided to go home.

We wanted to wake up at 6 a.m. to fix ourselves before going to the beach but we delayed it to 7:30. Haha, it's funny because we all heard the alarm but just didn't mind it. We met really good people, Mr. and Mrs. Irizari. They accompanied us to Tambuli Resorts and Cebu Beach Club.



Loving the feel of the salty breeze and water against my bod...


Basking in the sun...


And because we are hippy hoppy jumpees...


I love the resort. I was just a bit disappointed in the beach because it was full of algae. Haaay. Sayang.

We headed back to the hotel at around 7 p.m. and rested. Ate Jus tried her best to get a tan but her white white skin failed her just like what my tushee did to me the day after. Haha.

Sunday morning, we got ready to hear mass. We went to Cebu's Basilica del Sto. Nino. I was astonished with the interior of the cathedral. It's awesome. I love its paintings. We also dropped by its wishing fountain.

I so love this painting...




The place is like Quiapo. :)

We had lunch at Jollibee. Yes, very Pinoy! Loving the ambience eh. Actually, we were really aiming for KFC but we didn't find it after ten minutes of walking (or was it just five but it felt like ten?). What I loved the most about that morning was of course, shopping!!! It's my bestfriend, my ultimate stress reliever. Haha. I love Cebu's Pasalubong Center, I even told Mom that we should go back just for it. Hahaha! I looooooove it. I reallly do. Hahaha! I wish I had more money!!! I love their accessories, shirts, yum-yums. I love everything about it.


See? We got our pasalubongs ready! But, we didn't feel like going home yet. Haha.



In my short stay in Cebu, I learned quite a lot about it. Yes a looot. Haha. I learned three Cebuano words. Pangadaygon for purihin, Daghang salamat for maraming salamat and kayoy-i for maawa. They also don't have a "yu" sound. Say the word's Dios, they say, Diyus. And! It seemed like it's a fave spot of hybrid couples to do their smoochie-moochies. Haha. American+Pinay=Love. We look exotic daw, but grabe. Haha. These Americans really appreciate a different kind of Pinay beauty. As in you'll see a couple in every direction. Hahaha! You'll never run out of these in Cebu.

See most of the Cebu escapade pics in my multiply site. www.starburssst.multiply.com

Thoughts!

There are so much thought running in my head, I don't even know where to start. I was gone only three days, but it's filled like crazy. Later. I will.

You. Should. Watch. Out. For. It.

When It's Gone

It's out. Was I just late? Had I not been, could I have gotten it?

There are doubts. Doubts that I want so much to take away. Yesterday, I was asking if I should be happy. But now, why do I ask if I should feel otherwise?

Is it even possible for a person to be this bizarre?

Surprises!

This day is full of surprises! And every blow left my heart pounding hard. Tama bang sunod-sunorin?

Should I be happy? I don't know. I'm scared. And I hate it when I am.

If You Think This Is True

Let's make a difference. I know nowadays it's really hard to believe these things but let's allow ourselves to see what we can do before even judging.

Click this link http://fourturtle.multiply.com.

We still have hearts, don't we?

As I Ponder

Three days ago, I went to the mall to pay half of my barkada's will-be lodging expense for our outing at Puerto Galera a week from now. Well, it was my first time to do it. I mean, to pay something off via a savings account. So when I was actually able to fill up the slip, there was a feeling of satisfaction on my part. I was like, "Yey, Jam you did it without really looking like an idiot copying the woman in shades beside you."

And so I went in line, siyempre with the help of Manong guard. I didn't wanna find myself naman standing desperately and falling in a line meant for something else. Haha. Then, I realized the line was just so long. Oh God! I would have to admit that I am an impatient creature experiencing itchy feet soles whenever I have to wait for my turn. Nevertheless, I waited, waited and waited even more as I created little tales in my head about the people who were present.

I also counted. Well, I think I always count. I remember a time when I usually spent my afternoons at a friend's house with friends and walked home after with them. You know when people say "Masarap maglakad kung may kasama ka." Yea yea, true. But when you walk along with the same people whom you already spent your afternoons with, I think you'll get tired of it too. So when I reached that saturation point, I found myself wanting to be alone on the other side of the street and counting my footsteps quietly 'til I got home. Weird.

Going back, I counted the people who were ahead of me. At last, after 45 minutes of waiting, the number went down to five-four-three-two-Oops! No, three! Suddenly there was an old woman who suavely got her way up to the front and acted as if she was in line and as if she did nothing but normal. Galing eh! She barely even waited for a minute! Sin verguenza muchoo! Grr! And so I was bummed. I felt like really wanting to reprimand her about what she did when she passes by me but I immediately dismissed the, I must say, ingenious idea, just because I thought, "as if naman," with a shrug. Matanda na kasi eh, kaya mahirap. And also, I did not want to make a fuss about it but such instances really strain my nerves. Everytime I encounter injustices of this kind, it feels like there's a compelling reason to react. Injustices talaga eh! Haha pero seriously, 'eto talaga yung mga kapal moments na nakakairita.

Well, this is just one of my shallow thoughts I feel like sharing.

Heart Struck

"Simply having the courage to say senseless things made me euphoric. All you have to do is open your mouth and have the courage to say things you don't understand."


"Fate is strange: almost no one I know married the first love of their lives. Those who did are always telling me that they missed something important, that they didn't experience all that they might have."

"It's around the well that lovers find each other, satisfy their thirst. But if one decides to leave, the well cannot go with them. Love remains there, abandoned - even though it is filled with the same pure water as before."


"We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice. The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. If we are not reborn - if we cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of childhood - it makes no sense to go on living."


"The magic moment is the moment when a yes or a no can change our whole existence."

By the River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept
Paolo Coehlo

Sometimes, we don't notice that we are already too busy to see that something that truly matters. We let it go. Oftentimes, we don't realize that we just choose to confuse ourselves and focus on things that seem to matter.

Insomnia

I am experiencing so much of this lately. And I do not like it.

Lack of stress caused this.

So I ask, how could I get rid of stress and insomnia at the same time?

Friday Night High

Enjoyed my Friday. Fixed myself at around 4:30 p.m. Took some pictures of myself before I left.




Met with my high school friends just because we felt like meeting and to prepare for our summer outing. Had dinner at Eastwood. Ruth wasn't able to go though and people like me had to leave early but we still had so much fun. Jayvie was late, but it's fine. I missed these people so bad. Here's some of our pics.

Then, I headed to Xocolat Katipunan to meet with Kim and Miguel. Left for Freedom Bar to watch Miguel play. Had a crazy early morning stroll along Katipunan after and finally stayed at Kim's condo while waiting for Dad.


So that's how I spent my night. All smiles. :D

Today

I've been thinking of writing here since yesterday but I could not think of something worthy to actually write about.

Well, I feel that my heart is currently filled with emotions that I am not really sure of. What is this I am feeling? What are these? Hahaha. Weird. But seriously. Maybe I am just excited because a lot of things are planned for me and I always get this feeling whenever I look forward to such stuffies. I can't even explain what this is. Why am I so weird?

This was my day and I just wanna share.

I was kinda bummed out because I thought that there was no internet for me until tomorrow. I even called the server operator to help me fix it out, twice. Turned out, with the help of Bri, one cord wasn't plugged. Then, I was happy.

I found myself reconciliating with people who had hurt me and who I also did hurt. And it felt good. There were three. Okay, this does not mean I am a war freak. I love to be at peace. I love this stage because I personally think it makes the relationship grow into a better and deeper one.

I was able to read By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. At first I thought I wouldn't be able to finish it because it was initially boring. But then as I went on reading it, I never for a second felt the urge to stop. Soon, I'll write about some of its lines. I love how Paolo Coehlo writes.

I realized that people who ask me (or do they actually tell me? 'coz I feel that they don't expect an answer) "Why can you not eat without so much chilli?" are growing in number. Haha. A bit off. But, I remember myself not eating spicy foods up until I was in third grade. I actually loathed it. Now, I think I can't live without it. Haha. OA.

I am excited about tomorrow and the day after, also for the days that will follow. Yeyeh. But then again, I would have to control this bliss until each day comes.

At Random

What kind of girl am I? You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success. You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy! An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing. And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Headachy Fun

If you want a challenging and mind-boggling game, click here.

It will give you the headache you've been looking for. But, it's fun. In an insane kind of way. Wink! Got this from a friend and just like him, I also highly recommend it!

Crazy Beautiful

It was a very good decision for me to stay up late last night 'coz I was able to talk to Pre for like, two hours. I missed her badly. Conversations with her can be compared to finishing a very good book though. It grows very exciting but when it's nearing to end, there's always this something that makes me wish for time to slow down 'coz its just so hard to say bye. Akala mo guy lang, eh? Haha!

Anyway, speaking of guys, I got a really wonderful present from Pre this morning. It's driving me crazy. I actually was speechless for five seconds. Pwede na pang-wallpaper. I would like so much to post the picture here but, well... Just, but! This is not the time, yet. Hahaha!

Quoting Kirsten Dunst, "I'm crazy. You're beautiful."

False Alarm

As I was desperately searching for OTH's Episode 13, I suddenly bumped into an article saying... Episode 13 premieres on April 13th. Hahaha!

And so I said, okay.